Let’s be real

To say this year has been rough would be a complete understatement. I really did lose myself in all of the chaos. I stared down the barrel of an impending divorce, bombed out on multiple competitions, and my dog, Zeus, was taken from me. Pretty much the things I cared about turned out to be a shit show. It wasn’t all bad though. I landed my dream job, and made great friends/reconnect with some old ones.

Let’s be real though, I really did lose a part of myself because I threw a fucking pity party I never needed. What I really needed was to find myself again. Earlier this year, I said I was quitting weightlifting. Damn, that was a huge mistake. Looking back, I willingly gave up a part of myself even more by doing that. For what? The hopes of saving something that was going to end anyways? The real question was, how much of myself was I willing to give up to save this? Unfortunately the answer was: all of me.

As I’m writing this, it all seemed so long ago yet everything still feels so fresh. I woke up one day and realized that I was okay. Some battles are won and some battles are lost, It’s just how it goes. I was fighting to win one battle that I forgot the most important aspect in my life: happiness.

As the year comes to a close, I’m not going to do that ‘New year, new me’ bullshit, rather I just want to find myself again.

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