Let’s be real

To say this year has been rough would be a complete understatement. I really did lose myself in all of the chaos. I stared down the barrel of an impending divorce, bombed out on multiple competitions, and my dog, Zeus, was taken from me. Pretty much the things I cared about turned out to be a shit show. It wasn’t all bad though. I landed my dream job, and made great friends/reconnect with some old ones.

Let’s be real though, I really did lose a part of myself because I threw a fucking pity party I never needed. What I really needed was to find myself again. Earlier this year, I said I was quitting weightlifting. Damn, that was a huge mistake. Looking back, I willingly gave up a part of myself even more by doing that. For what? The hopes of saving something that was going to end anyways? The real question was, how much of myself was I willing to give up to save this? Unfortunately the answer was: all of me.

As I’m writing this, it all seemed so long ago yet everything still feels so fresh. I woke up one day and realized that I was okay. Some battles are won and some battles are lost, It’s just how it goes. I was fighting to win one battle that I forgot the most important aspect in my life: happiness.

As the year comes to a close, I’m not going to do that ‘New year, new me’ bullshit, rather I just want to find myself again.


If you don’t know where you are going

I’m the type of person that always has a plan or a goal, but lately I’ve been struggling to find a purpose. It’s always been hard for me to wander without a goal in mind. There was always a means to an end. (more…)

A thousand candles

Now I’m not a big fan of hiking, however it’s part of my whole “trying new things” idea so I decided to go. A few friends and I went hiking to Lawson Peak in Jamul California and damn I had fun. Not only was the view beautiful, but climbing up a mountain brought me some sort of newfound energy and excitement. If many of you didn’t know I am a Buddhist, so here one from Buddha: (more…)

Live, for a day will come

It’s no secret that I have a profound love for the classics, but one stands out: The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. I first read this book in 6th grade, despite my dislike of reading at the time, and it has become my one of favorite books. The reason I enjoy this book so much is due to its themes of love, revenge, friendship, and, the most important of all, self-transformation. Although a long read, I recommend it to everyone. Here’s another excerpt: (more…)

Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things

Since the incident (if you don’t know what I’m talking about click here), I am going through a period of self reflection and rediscovery. Lately I’ve been getting up earlier than I should be to read. Here is an excerpt from one of the books I’m currently reading: (more…)